HOW TO IDENTIFY A CONVERT

Okay, so there is something I'd like to blog about today which I find very troublesome. It's been bothering me since, well, pretty much the late eighties. But the straw that broke the camel's very tired, very irksome back, was a few Sundays ago. Let me set the scenario.


It's a typical Sunday. We've barely survived the passing of the sacrament (only spilled one cup this week--yay), have taken each child potty. twice. Are just settling in for a nice pair of "new-move-in" talks, when it happens. Not two minutes into the new girl's talk she does it. Something that bugs me almost as much as Nicole Kidman (whole other post). The new girl makes a "Mormon joke." And not just any Mormon joke, cause really, some actually are funny, she makes the Mormon green jello joke. It goes something like this. New girl from Jersey: "Thanks to all the neighbors who've dropped by plates of cookies, and treats. We are learning to love Utah, and just how strongly you all feel about your green Jello." Crowd: "ha, ha, ha."


Okay, now really people. I check my watch. Yep, still 2008. Now, I'll be the first to admit that growing up every Sunday without fail, my mother made jello for dinner. Now, it wasn't always green, but a fair amount of the time it was. Only she tried to make it actually nutritious by putting applesauce in it. I honestly didn't know that jello was see-through till I was like 14, and had jello at a friends house for dinner. I was so pissed. My mom had been royally screwing up a good thing for more than a decade now for no apparent reason. Other than health. Pfshh. Health shmealth. Jello need not be healthy.


Anyways, yes I grew up in Utah. Yes, I'm a Mormon. Yes, I ate green Jello in the eighties like it was nobodies business (cause I had too). But NO, I do not find the green jello joke funny. Especially, when it's coming from a transplant, who did not grow up in Utah, and has actually never even tasted it. See-through or otherwise. I mean, come on. The joke was funny like 15, maybe 10 years ago when people actually received green jello in dinners from the relief society. But really, when was the last time you received a meal from a Mormon with Jello in it? Cause, I've had two kids, and believe you me, I milked those free meals as long as those ladies were willing to dish out. And after six months* of free meals, after both kids, I can honestly say I did not receive a single jello side dish. And no floating veggies, or fruits or anything.



And furthermore. I haven't had jello even at a linger-longer or ward function in over ten years. And we all know how much Mormons like to get together and mingle, so I'd say, that really saying something. So, I must ask, rather beg, that the green jello jokes stop already. The poor innocent food item has endured enough bad jokes. Not to mention my ears. And I'm fairly certain there won't be any letters read from the pulpit anytime soon about banning green jello jokes, so people, can we please at least stop laughing at them? I mean, when a seemingly innocent convert, or move-in ( stormin Mormon from another Zion) makes the joke from the pulpit, it will really say something if we all just sit and stare and not laugh. Don't you think? People, we need to unite on this issue. Really now. Kristina don't you at least agree? Don't you agree that along with the banning of old white dudes from Utah saying "Alooooooha" at the beginning of their testimonies, we should also ban the green jello joke? (p.s. if you are Mormon, or alive really, and are not reading her blog. Then I feel sorry for you. Cause it's fan-freaking-tastic.)



I realize we can't erase the past. The polygamists bruhaha will always be with us. But surely we can rid ourselves of the green jello stigma. I know it's gonna be hard with all those green jello 2002 Olympic pins floating around out there. But we can do it people. We can unite as non-converts. We can ban the green Jello jokes forever.



Can I get an Amen?







*sarcasm people.