TODAY. COULD IT GET ANY WORSE?

Have I ever told you that Butch Cassidy (a.k.a Robert LeRoy Parker) is one of my ancestors?

So, today, one of the things to get done on my crazy To Do list was go to the grocery store. Seems harmless enough, right? And well, usually it is. Usually it is a very calm, almost peaceful thing I get to do each week. How can this possibly be with two more-hyper-than-normal-children?

Three words.

Smiths. Marketplace. Playland.

This is my saving grace. Really. I drop the kids off to play and then I get to grocery shop in peace. And yes, I know what you are probably all thinking, *just think of all the germs!!* Well, honestly, I used to be a germ-a-phobe, but now, if someone is willing to watch my kids for free while I grocery shop? Heck, I send them in, say a quick prayer for the germs to stay away, and sanitize like hell when I'm done.

And well, it works. Cause before? They'd be whining, and crying and having tantrums the entire store for lots of random grocery-store crap that we, rather nobody, needs.

So, today, when I went to the Smiths like any other perfectly good Tuesday, and walked the kids over to the playland, I pretty much had a mild heart attack when I saw the CLOSED sign sitting on the playland check-in desk. CLOSED? CLOSED? Why? For what? It's not like I was there at 6 a.m., or anything. Just your normal 2 p.m. afternoon shopping.

So then, my options. Drag the kids all the way back out of the store, and have to find another time to come by myself, or WORSE, drag them back with me tomorrow? Uggg. Neither choice was stellar. So, I went against everything I stand for, and decided to do a quick run through with the kids in tow and pray for the best.

Well, apparently I didn't pray hard enough, or to the right Grocery store God, because let me just tell you, IT DIDN'T GO WELL.

The first meltdown happened before we even actually started the shopping. I went to grab a shopping cart, but since I had Thing 2 with me, I couldn't just get a "normal" cart, no I had to get the nasty-should-be-illegal-due-to-the-massive-amounts-of-virus-germs-on-them car shopping carts. Ewww. Just ewww. Luckily Smiths is so kind as to provide you with a Clorox wet wipe, so I grabbed ten, and went to town. Sanitized the shiz out of those steering wheels, doors, seats, pretty much anything that my kids could or would or even might touch.

After that was done, we began, but not before the giant (and I mean giant) dinosaur jawbreakers caught Thing 1's eye. He immediately started listing all the reasons he just NEEDED TO HAVE that dinosaur jawbreaker or his life was sure to be miserable. (This was the first of many things he saw that he needed. The next item in the cereal box aisle right at kid height was a potato gun. Seriously. Cause that's just the item that belongs in the cereal box aisle.)

We start going, finally, and what do you know, the one car shopping cart wheel is squeaking so loudly I literally am kinda embarrassed. Like it's my fault the wheel has never been greased. As if, somehow I should feel shame about the grocery cart wheel. But don't worry, my shame is quickly replaced by the migraine that is beginning to form from the high pitched squeak. Ugg.

I think I am doing awesome. Shopping, pretty much as fast as humanly possible. Grab this, toss it in, grab that, keep going. See, the trick with these germ carts, I mean car shopping carts, is to never really stop. Stopping means inviting the little buggers to get out of the cart. And then you have to get them back in. And then that is impossible, and then you start to go crazy. So, even when I need to grab something I'm still pushing. Which makes things a little difficult, but in the end, easier then coaxing them back in said germ cart.

Somewhere around aisle 6 Thing 2 decides that it would be a fantastic idea to lean his head out the car door while I push him around. I ask him to sit up, he just tells me he enjoys having the wind in his hair. What the? Whatever. This soon leads to his little sister needing to hang her head out her window. Now, not only is my cart twice as long as the average cart (which makes steering almost comical), but also twice as wide. Absolutely ridiculous. I'm trying with all my might to not hit any other cart, or aisle, or stand alone food pyramid, without stopping. Cause remember, stopping means trouble folks.

So, finally, I've got all the things we can't live without. And I'm headed for the checkout stand. This is where I am forced to stop. And what do you think happens? Thing 1 takes this as his embossed invitation to run wild. And his sister follows. Monkey see, monkey do. Right? Here they come, running back, only Thing 1 has a mischievous look about his face. I chalk this up to the fact that he got away. They both get back in, I pay, and we load up all the groceries in the car. I've got both kids strapped in, and I'm thinking to myself. Well, that coulda been a lot worse. And I turn around to back out of the parking spot, and notice, hmmm, how peculiar. Both of my kids are chewing gum. Chewing Gum!

Well, things just got a lot worse.

Me: "Where did you get that gum?"
Him: "What gum?"
Me: That gum you are chewing.
Him: Evil, evil comic book laugh.
Me: Thing 1!!! Only I used his real name, with my angry eyes.
Him: Still laughing
Me: Where did you get that gum?
Him: From the store.
Me: What do you mean? (I am of course thinking the worst? Was it on the floor? The germ infested shopping cart? THE GROUND?!!?)
Him: No, from the shelf at the store.
Me: (Grunting in pure frustration. )

Next thing I know, I am back to unbuckling both children, making Thing 1 turn over his stolen Orbit melon mint pack of gum. March both children back into Smiths. Go to customer service, make him turn over the package of gum. Make him apologize. And I am the winner of a seventy one cent package of gum minus two sticks. Incredible.

Ohh that child! My son the thief. The four-year-old thief. I can't believe it.

But I'm pretty sure he won't be doing that again, thanks to my super-awesome kids who shoplift speech. See, the first time. They get off easy. A little apology. Pay for the gum themselves. Get their DS taken away for the day. This type of thing. But the 2nd time?

Jail.

And really, who can I blame for this? Certainly it wasn't something I taught him. And I doubt I can get away with blaming his father. The only thing I can come up with is that it's in his blood. The same blood that ran through Butch's veins is running through Thing 1's. Man I'm in for it.

Hope your day is going better than mine!

WHO WEARS SHORT SHORTS?

ED WEARS SHORT SHORTS!!!

Decided to bring my facebook discussion over to blogger.

For those of you who for some crazy reason weren't able to catch The Bachelorette this week, I looked, and looked, everywhere for a still of Ed in his little green shorts, but couldn't find one. So, a you tube video will have to do. But don't worry, you don't have to watch for long. His little John Stockton inspired lovelies show up within the first 15 seconds.

And I have to know. Do we like the Ed's version of fashion-forward swimwear, or is it just a bit too much white man thigh?

Alls I know, is if those trunks don't have a little mesh undie built in, so help us all. I was afraid the whole episode a little of Ed's junk was gonna slip right on out of his trunks if ya know what I mean. So, let your voice be heard. Comments are now open.

Now, I don't' want to sway your opinion, but on a side note, um, what is going on? I really liked Reid. Like alot. And saw Jills and Reid all old and wrinkled and happy together forever. But instead she goes with Ed & his whack fashion sense. Did she ever think that maybe the reason they weren't in the "mood" was because of his shorts? I'm telling you. Short-short green swim trunks aren't all that seksy if ya catch my drift.

BRILLS

Saw this on my friend Aimee's blog, and think it is absolutely brilliant. As soon as this is available in my area, I'm getting it for sure. This is such a great idea, especially for the new business. Thanks Aim, for the great tip! And you are absolutely right, just another reason why Google is King!

LOVE YOU GRANDPA!

Ottis M. Plant Colonel, U.S. Army Ottis was a kind and gentle man whose life personified impeccable integrity, wisdom, perseverance, and strength of character. He was born on August 16, 1918, in Richmond, Utah, to Henry Thomas Plant and Edith Louisea Webb. Ottis was a graduate of Utah State University, a member of Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity, and a cadet in the Army ROTC program. Originally planning a career in dental medicine, he was commissioned a Second Lieutenant and, with the breakout of World War II, placed on active duty in 1940. While stationed in the Territory of Alaska, Ottis met and fell in love with a beautiful woman named Beverly Schmidt from St. Louis, Mo. She worked as an executive secretary, teletype operator, and multiplex operator for the Alaska Communication System, Signal Corp, U.S. Army, in Anchorage. They were married on June 17, 1944, in El Paso, Texas, and the marriage was later solemnized in the Salt Lake Temple. During his 29 years of military service, he, Beverly, and his mother-in-law, Clara, whom he loved dearly, moved 21 times. Preceded in death by Beverly and Clara, Ottis rejoined them on July 9, 2009. Ottis served in numerous prestigious command and leadership assignments while serving as a career Army Officer. Highlights of his military service with the Defense Intelligence Agency include assignments as Chief, Intelligence Planning Group, J2, Joint Chiefs of Staff; Assistant Chief of Staff for Intelligence and Collection of Intelligence, G2, Army General Staff; and Chief, Training and Education (Intelligence), G2, Army General Staff. Ottis also served as Chief Instructor, Command and Leadership Department, U.S. Army Command and General Staff College, at Ft. Leavenworth, Kansas. Notwithstanding the aforementioned, Ottis regarded his most meaningful assignment as Commander of an Air Defense Battalion in South Korea for thirteen months while assigned to the 8th U.S. Army. His battalion was deployed on mountaintops in battery sized units with surveillance search radar and hawk antiaircraft missiles overlooking North Korea with the mission to monitor and counter Soviet aircraft flown by Chinese and North Korean pilots. While stationed in Korea, Ottis served as President of the first LDS District in South Korea. It was here that he met President Gordon B. Hinckley during a Sunday worship service in Seoul. In President Hinckley's book, Go Forward with Faith, he describes the testimony meeting on page 257 as follows: "It was one of the most moving experiences of my life to listen to them. Here were strong military men who wept as they thanked the Lord for the Gospel, for their families, and one another..And so it went for the better part of three hours to become an unforgettable spiritual experience." Ottis concluded his military career as the Professor of Military Science at the University of Utah. He and his family resided in Quarters 13A, Officer's Circle, on historic Fort Douglas. Ottis was directly responsible for obtaining the "Thunder Ute" cannon that is fired after Utah touchdowns. He was also instrumental in developing the Army ROTC programs at Brigham Young University and the Weber State University. Ottis voluntarily served the University of Utah faculty as an adjunct professor in the Department of Geography. His numerous awards and decorations include the Joint Services Commendation Medal and the Legion of Merit. After retirement, Ottis was selected to become the President and General Manager of National Distribution Systems (NDS) at Freeport Center, Clearfield, Utah. He developed this company into one of the largest and most efficient storage and distribution facilities in the United States. Nominated by his executive secretary, Ottis was recognized as "Boss of the Year" in 1971 by the National Secretarial Association for his leadership example, achievements, and personal care of employees. After his second retirement, Ottis worked as a leadership and management consultant and lecturer. He was a requested speaker and addressed such diverse organizations as a Scientific Seminar for the Department of Agriculture, the Geographer's Association, and the National Association of Shippers Advisory Board. Ottis once again answered the call of duty, this time for the State of Utah, when Governor Cal Rampton asked him to serve as Chairman of the State Liquor Control Commission in 1978. Ottis was a proud and serving member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints throughout his military and civilian career. His callings while in the military included District President, Stake High Counsel, and Independent Branch President. After military retirement,, Ottis served as a Host and Guide on Temple Square for ten years. He and his wife, Beverly, served two church leadership missions in the Temple View Stake, 4th Ward, and Liberty Stake, 8th Ward. They also served as Temple Workers in the Salt Lake City Temple. When Ottis wasn't serving his Church, his Country, or his State, he was golfing. He learned to golf as a left handed player while in the military service because "playing right-handed made the game too easy!" One of Ottis' proudest moments occurred on November 12, 2005, at the Utah vs. New Mexico Football game, when he was recognized by the University of Utah as the Blue Cross Blue Shield "Super Fan" for his contributions to the university and for being the father of three sons who all received their undergraduate degrees from Utah. Go Utes! Ottis is survived by his sons, COL (Ret) Thomas O. Plant (Eleanor), Randall A. Plant (Paula), and Gary Lee Plant (Connie), nine grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. The family would like to thank the staff, nurses, and CNAs at Alta Ridge Assisted Living in Sandy and 1st Choice Hospice for the love and compassionate care they provided Ottis during the last six months of his life. Graveside services with Military Honors will be held on Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 11:30 am at the Salt Lake City Cemetery, 200 North "N" Street, SLC, UT. Family and friends may call Wednesday morning from 10:00 to 11:00 am at Larkin Sunset Lawn Mortuary, 2350 East 1300 South, SLC. UT prior to services. Please send condolences to the family at www.larkinmortuary.com

FOUND IT!

Pure Brilliance, right?

KILLED IT!

Okay, so I've been scouring the web for some video of these two killing their Wade Robson routine from last night's SYTYCD, but nothing is up yet. As soon as I find it, I will post it.

I just absolutely love Wade Robson's routines. They are so unique, and clever, and have fabulous choreography. They are 100% entertaining, and leave you always wanting more. He is so quirky, and creative. And every routine he puts out is amazing. But the one he rocked last night was insane! This was the first time this season I've rewound my DVR to watch a routine. I loved it that much! An to be honest, I'm not much of a Janette or a Brandon fan. I much prefer Kayla and Kupono, (and I love Mia too and her choreography) but I just thought these two killed it last night. First their fox trot, which was off the hook, and then their Wade Robson routine! They just hit every single beat. Made me want to dance around like a thief ;) I was so impressed.

Sometimes I feel like Mia gets alot of buzz for her routines, which she should since they are amazing, but in my opinion Wade just goes that extra mile. His routines are totally different, yet they tell a story and make you think. And frankly, I like that. I wish he was more of a regular on the show and definitely should judge an ep. He would be an amazing critique. I just think he brings such a unique perspective that SYTYCD needs.

So enough hubbub. When the video is up, I will post it here for you so you can feast your eyes on a little bit of awesomeness this Thursday. Stay tuned.

DID HE, OR DIDN'T HE?

Well, I tried to stay away. Really I did. No, not from watching the Bachelorette silly, but from blogging about the Bachelorette.

But I just can't go on about my life and not discuss this with you all. Because this is important. Really. Cause I know as much as you don't want to admit it, you're watching it too. And loving every single trashy minute.

So, guys, what's our opinion. Did he have a girlfriend or didn't he?


Was Jake just totally coming back to screw things up for Wes? Or was there an actual girlfriend? And if so, just for the record, I hope to high heaven there isn't one anymore. What girl would let her boyfriend go on a dating show?! Insane! So, I know he said somewhere amongst his drunken limo ride home that "he was the first bachelor to make it it to fourth place with a girlfriend." Was this a bad case of drunk dialing, without the dialing? Or the drunken truth?

Please let your voice be heard. Comments are now open.

A FUTURE IN HEAVY WEIGHT BOXING?

I swear, if I have to send Thing 2 to her room one more time for biting Thing 1's ear, I'm going to have to start calling her Tyson and him Evander.

She has done it three times already. I need a vacation.

MY NEW TIME WASTER

Okay, well, If you are wondering why I've been such a crappy blogger as of late, it's because of this little item above. That's right friends, I've got myself a new toy, and I've been loving every minute of it.

Well, while we were on vacation we lost our camera. Which I am completely bummed about because we had some really great pics on there. So, since we needed a new camera, I've been researching them, and even bought one and hated it. The pictures just weren't very good, and so I was going to have to spend a couple hundred dollars on one that could take great ones.

Then one day while we were at the pool, I asked my friend Kristin, if her iphone took good pictures. And she showed me a few, and it did. We started talking about her phone, and if she liked it, and all the crazy cool things it could do. She told me that they had the new ones on sale right now, and I decided I would look into it.

I found out I only had 30 days left on my current cell phone plan, so I went ahead at got the iphone. I went with the 3GS since it came with a little bit nicer camera and video as well. I am really enjoying this purchase because of all the neat things it can do.

So, I thought for those of you with iphones or itouches, I would go ahead and list my favorite apps that have been sucking my time away and maybe possibly you would share your favs with me.

Okey dokey.

• First off, I really do love that I have my camera and camcorder built in to my phone. I was always forgetting my camera everywhere I went, and my old cell phone took really crappy pictures. You could tell they were from a cell phone. These ones not so much.
• The other thing I am finding that I really enjoy about this phone is the built-in calendar. Now, I know my old phone probably had one too, but I am just now, for the first time beginning to see the brilliance it in. No need to carry around my little pocket calendar. Awesome.
• I love the note pad on there, that I can just jot down a quick blog idea, or my grocery list.
• It is great to have my ipod in there too, since I've been rocking the ipod mini forever, which incidentally isn't really so "mini" compared to the other ipods out there.
• The built-in compass is pretty cool. Especially for someone who used to believe that north was always in front of you. ;)

Now for my favorite apps.

1. google. Love that I can google random things anywhere. This is great for proving my point. Say we are out, and we are arguing about a technicality, google will always have my back.
2. Accuweather. Love that I can get hourly updates on the weather, as well as a 15 day forcast.
3. New York Times. Love that I can catch up on the news via my phone.
4. Huffington Post. Love this blog.
5. Facebook. Fun time sucker.
6. Scriptures. Yes, I put scriptures before facebook. No more lugging the books around.
7. Hymns. I do have them on here, but no I don't sing. Ever. But I can lipsynch the hymns like a champ. If you heard me sing, you just might say a prayer of thanks that I do lipsynch.
8. Pandora. Awesome little station. Put in a song you like, it will play songs it thinks you will like cause you like that other one. Bad explanation. Good application.
9. Espn. This is on here, cause I love hubs. Can find the score to any Sox game at the touch of a button.
10. Around Me. Will find any restaurant or store or gas station around you. Uses the gps in my phone. Love this.
11. Urban spoon. Want to find the nearest Sushi? Just punch in sushi and there you go. Kinda like Around me.
12. Fandango. Like this one for being able to check what movies are playing where.
13. Wells Fargo.
14. Check please. Will tabulate the tip on any amount plus split the check into however many ways necessary. Totally silly, but still fun.
15. Polarize Me. One of my favorite apps. Turns your regular photos into Polaroids. Too fun.
16. My Wireless att. Lets you check how many minutes you've burned through, or text messages.
17. Run K Pro. This one is probably one of my most used. So, the other day I couldn't find my gps watch I usually run with, so Hubs said, I bet they have an app for that. And sure enough. It cost me ten bucks, but it is awesome. So I just have to carry my phone while I run, which I do anyway cause of my ipod, and it will tell me how fast I'm running, my distance, and how long it's been. It also has all sorts of other sports on there, like cycling, cross country skiing, rollerblading. SA weet. And at the end, it will pull up a little map, so I can see where I went. Too cool. If you are a runner, I highly recommend this app.
18. 
    
    Shazam. So awesome. Watching tv and a commercial comes on, and you want to know the name of the song? Just hold your phone up to the speaker, and it will tell you the title and artist. Loves it.
19. 
    
    restraunts. This app is awesome. Will tell you the nutritional information from pretty much any chain restaurant.
20. i handy level. Phone becomes an instant level.
21. youtube.
22. blocked. Fun little game. Thanks for the tip Aim.
23. Pac Man. Keeps the kids thoroughly entertained.
24. Scramble. Makes me feel like an idiot. I hate this. Hubs loves it.
25. bublewrap. Again, kid fav.
26. Lightsaber. Thing 1 thinks this is the coolest ever. Phone turns into a light saber. Makes the cool sounds and everything.
27. Paper Toss. I suck at this.
28. Ice Age 3D. Thing 1 loves the skate ramp.
29. Wild West. My game of choice. Pin ball machine.
30. Sprout Dress Chica. My kids love to play this in the car. Dress up the chicken. Laugh your head off.
31. Adventure Preschool games. Colors, numbers, shapes, body, matching sounds. Thing 2 enjoys this.
32. i coloring.
33. doodle kids
34. jirbo match. Thing 2's favorite app. Matching game.
35. i write. Practice writing your letters.
36. bus. The wheels on the bus. Kids love this one. But the song is annoying.
37. mini piano. show off your skillz.
38. scoops. Kid game, but I could play for hours. Catch the scoops on the cone, avoid the veggies. Brilliant.
39. email. Duh. How could I forget. Love being able to send and get e-mail while I'm at the pool.

And there you have it. My iphone post. Sorry I've been a crappy blogger. It's just so addicting. But never fear. I've got a little list of posts rockin' in my notes app, and I just signed up for mobile blogger so I can post from my new phone. Watch out.