one SHITTY day

OH MY GOOD HECK! I AM HAVING THE WORST DAY EVER!

It all started last night around 7:30 when Thing 1 decided to get the apple juice out of the fridge by himself. But lets remember he is only three, and well, could only barely reach the juice, which he did, but it being full, he couldn't quite hold it, and crash, splash and smash. Yep. An entire enormous Costco-size apple juice all over my brand new floor. And what's worse? No sink/faucet to clean it up with. Sent thing 1 and 2 to their respective rooms so I could clean up without having them walk through it, and spent a good 1/2 hour cleaning up apple juice over my ENTIRE kitchen. Put Thing 1 and 2 to bed, then came to finish cleaning. Soaked through like 10 towels, then tried mopping out of the bathtub. And anyone who has ever even cleaned up apple juice from a leaky sippy will let you know that it is next to impossible to clean it up completely. And that's just a sippy. And well, an entire jug? Yeah right. And well, lets just say this morning, things are a bit sticky. Walking through my 80% done kitchen is really fun. Stick, squeak, stick. And now since I've had workers in and out all morning, the stick has been spread through the entire house. I am so frustrated not having a sink. I'm ready to personally strangle my contractor. AHHH!

Then the fun continued on this morning. Found out Thing 1's hearing aid was busted. Yep, $2,000. And at the perfect time. Over budget already on the kitchen, so whats another two grand? Anyone seen Dan in Real Life? Put it on my tab.

But turns out it doesn't matter that the one aid is busticated. Cause I went into Thing 1's room and well, lets just say most kids cut their hair when they get a hold of a pair of sissors. Well, not my little gem. He ended up cutting up his ear molds. And I just got new ones like literally 3 days ago! Another 70 buckaroos down the drain. Put it on my tab.

So Thing 1 had to go to school without his aids. Ended up not being a good idea cause he couldn't hear what was going on, so he wouldn't participate in anything. Got really mad and cried for a while. Made me feel super bad. I just hope the consequence of going without aids to school for a few hours will be enough to make him back away from the nail sissors next time he gets any crazy ideas.

Then, well, I pick him up from school, run to Costco to try and fix the molds, and Thing 1 remembers he left his shark at school. (The one that I told him he couldn't bring by the way.) That little sneak snuck it into his backpack. While Lowell is trying his magic with the molds, I get the kids some lunch. Thing 2 decides to spill her smoothie everywhere. I swear that girl just can't resist a mess. Again, mopping up another mess, this time with one-ply napkins. Fun times. Go pick up the molds, and Lowell was able to fix them. Hooray.

Don't you for a minute think my luck had changed. The worst is yet to come.

Pick up the dang shark. Head home to get the kids down for naps, put them down and well, how do I say this without totally embarrassing myself? Well went downstairs for a little, er, quiet time. Did my thing. Flush. And well, the stuff goes down, and the water starts coming up like normal, except it's not stopping. Just keeps coming and coming. And as much as I'd like to take credit for a poop that was big enough to flood my basement, I just don't think that it's possible. My theory is one of the guys working on our house must have had their own little quiet time (and pushed out a discovery gateway sesame street sized poop) just before I did. I run upstairs grab the plunger, get downstairs and the water is all the way to the stairs. I KID YOU NOT! I try plunging. It's not helping. The water is pouring out of there, like it's been held hostage. SO MUCH WATER! So out of complete frustration, I give up and call for help. One of the nice guys working on our kitchen runs down, shuts off the water (good to know you can do this) and at this point I am totally, and completely mortified because I'm sure the bathroom didn't smell, well, it's best. Um, yeah. Then another guy comes and does some serious plunging. I'm talking chug-a-chug-a-chug, for a good 45 seconds, and magically the water goes down. He should be a professional plunger-man by the way he did that. Thank the Lord though for his special gift. And I'm still embarrassed. Three guys, looking at me, and my flooded basement. All very well knowing how this happened. I bet they were laughing so hard on the inside. Ah well, maybe they were impressed? Everyone poops ya know. There is even a book that says so. Yes, even the Pope. Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Condaleeza Rice. They all poop. I'm not so sure however they have the honor of saying they've flooded their basements, but nevertheless, they do poop. I'm sure I'm the only one with that honor, er, mortification.

But then, all I have to do is take a look to my right, and my mortification is instantly replaced with frustration. Water everywhere. I officially flooded my basement by pooping. I guess maybe I need to lay of "The Rio" for a while? Embarrassed and frustrated. All that's left to do is laugh. And laugh. And grab some towels. Too bad I used most of them the night before on the juice incidence. Oh man. Grab some Bounty paper towels. And you know how their commercial says, "No job, too tough?" Well, I found one that is.

So, well I've spent the last hour mopping up my entire basement with towels. About now, I'm wishing I had one of those wet/dry vacs. And as much as I love my Dyson, unfortunately it wasn't built for this type of disaster. Now, I am exhausted. Filled my tub up with soapy water for the second day in a row, and have been running up and down the stairs trying to mop up the mess. Trying desperately look on the bright side, I'm hoping I've at least burnt a few more calories than normal with all the scrubbing, and mopping and running up and down the stairs I've done in the last 24 hours. But at least most of the water is up. Now I just have a mountain of towels the size of Everest. Yay. Laundry. This should keep me busy for the next 10 days.

Will this day ever end? Because really, I'm officially out of towels, and patience.