THING 1 TRIES VERY HARD TO THROW HIS MOTHER UNDER THE BUS.

So, today I was doing my good deed for the day and taking my friend Amy who just had a new baby a little gift for her and her 3 year old daughter. Normally you see, in Zion, people take in a meal to a family who has a new arrival. You know, to help ease the burden. But not me. No. I don't ease burdens well. Uh, just kidding. You see I don't cook. Well, I take that back. I can make a mean package of top ramen, canned soup, and cereal if you can call that cooking. But no, I don't cook. I do something better. I shop. So, people in my hood don't get dinner from me. They get gifts. Lucky them. No, really, lucky them. I pretty sure I'm the worst cook ever. And yes, I know, I'm mormon. Such a disgrace to my people. But don't worry, I know how to knit, you know just in case.

Okay, where was I? Oh yes, over at my friend Amy's house. Chatting with her about how the baby is doing. You know, sleeping, eating, and other exciting stuff. When out of the blue, to my total embarassment and shock, Thing 1 announces:



"Did you know my mom is going to have a baby soon too?"



Uhhh, WHAT?!?!


I quickly turn beet red, and look at her, and say as fast as possible, "No, I have no idea, why he said that. We are NOT having a baby any time soon. Ever again really."


But my friend, just looks at me, and smiles and says, not out loud, but in her smile, "It's okay, Thing 1 spilled the beans. I won't tell anyone. How exciting."


I just stood there, and said again, you know so she would be sure, "I don't know where he comes up with this stuff. We are NOT having a baby. Thing 1, you can't just say things like that that aren't true."

And he just says, "Yes, we are."


And I say a little louder, and in that total mom tone of shut-up-now-or-I-will-ground-you-forever-and-arrange-your-marriage "No, we are NOT."



Then I said, it was time to leave And that I thought her new baby was adorable. Cause I quickly realized this was getting wierder, and stranger, and super akward. And all the while, she just kept smiling that smile. Thinking that she is the first one to hear our great news. Except it's just three-year-old made-up news.


So, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a few more of those looks and smiles from other people this week at church. That should be fun. I love mormon ladies.



And just for the reccord people.


I AM NOT EXPECTING. EVER. TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN. EVER. THERE IS NO BABY IN THIS BELLY. NO BUN IN THIS OVEN. NADA. ZIP. ZILCH. COMPRENDO?