TO MY DEAREST SON:

Dear Thing 1,

I would like to start out this little letter by saying, first off, just how much I love you. You are such a joy and make me smile often. However, I do not feel like smiling when I wake up in the morning half-asleep and go in for my morning pee, only to be greeted by a big smelly, brown poop log. This is not any fun, nor does it make me smile.

Then, again around lunch (which is never a good time to see poop), when I head into the bathroom, and find that, you have left me a rather large brown surprise yet again. We have discussed the fact that the toilet can flush. I have asked, pleaded, even begged you to flush, but it seems as though you are almost out to get me. The thing about this is, I thought I was finally free of the surprise poop logs. I haven't seen one since I lived with my brother, your uncle Dave, which has been many years ago now. He also seemed to find great joy in leaving his logs in the toilet to torment me. And the only thing I can figure, is that he put you up to this.

Well, whatever it is, dear child. IT NEEDS TO STOP. I can't handle waking up to smelly dookies, and then finding them again at lunch. It's just too much.

And, while I have you here, I'd like to take a moment and discuss the "socks" that you wore to church yesterday. Yes, I realize that mommy was running a bit behind, and in her foolishness asked you to dress yourself for church (which you did relatively well ), and get your shoes and socks on. Since your father had an early meeting before church, and since it was just me trying to corral you and your sister out the door, I just didn't notice. No, not until we sat down, and were settling into sacrament meeting, and you propped your leg up on the bench, and I saw just exactly how sneaky you are. Apparently I should have been clear about exactly what constitutes a sock and what does not. So, let me be clear here. Shin guards are NOT socks. Yes, technically you do pull them on over your feet, but there is nothing sock-ey about them. And at church no less? And in the rush, I do remember looking down for a half second at your shoes and seeing that they were black, and thinking how awesome you were to put on your black Sunday shoes. But once I sat down and had a chance to breath I notice they were your black sneakers with the skull and crossbones on them. Skull & Cross bones and shin guards at church. Your new Sunday school teacher must think I am mental.


I hope our next letter is a little more on the positive side. I love you, and happy Martin Luther King Day.

Love,

Mom