MY THEME FOR 2009

Okay, so I think I'm ready now to share with all of you my thoughts about the new year. Some things I learned from 2008, and what I hope to accomplish in 2009. But prepare yourselves. It's long. And wordy. And probably nothing you are interested in. But at least I will have a place to always have this. These thoughts.

I've always loved new years resolutions. There is something that speaks to me and resonates with me about starting anew. I actually get this same feeling when I start a new list on a fresh sheet of paper. Even when it's just things to be done around the house. I also really love setting goals, and having something that I can accomplish. I guess this must have something to do with my love of change.

In fact a few months ago when I was going through some boxes of stuff at my parents (yes, I own a house. And no, I don't feel the need to bring the stuff here. Just sort of belongs there. Ya know?) Anyhoo, there I was going through some old journals and stuff and I came across a sheet of paper that contained my new years resolutions for 1990. So, I was 10 at the time. And the things on that list are so telling. Telling about who I am as a person. Against my better judgement probably, I've decided to share the list with you anyway. Here it is:

1. Loose weight.
2. meet a best friend.
3. reach my reading goal every term.
4. get better report cards.
5. be nicer to my brothers.
6. excel in G.T. class
7. read the scriptures every day
8. get Noreaga.
9. go to dance class every time.
10. Eat Less!

Hmmm. Quite disturbing is the fact that my first and last resolutions have to do with losing weight, and eating less. So explains and confirms the eating issues I've had my entire life. Even at 10. Which by the way, I was a total twig. Reading that really made me sad. Wish I knew then what I know now. What I should have put on that list? Get better at spelling. Holy crap I was a terrible speller. Ex: Resolution is spelled Resalooshons. Awesome.

Okay, so enough of 1990. Back to 2009. What I learned in 2008. Well, many things really. But I would have to say most of my learning and evolving happened in the last half of the year. For example:

• Ragnar Relay was so hard and so fun.
• High School reunions aren't for me. Glad I went, but don't think I'll ever go again. The past in my opinion, is best left in the past. More on this subject later.
• Veganism isn't for me
• Vegetarianism on the other hand, suits me just fine. (however one side note here. I almost have a hard time with that word-vegetarian. Cause one of the reasons I couldn't do veganism, was because of just how difficult it is when eating out, and especially when eating at someone's home. It's just too hard and rude really to pick out meat and cheese and stuff. So, I've come to terms with the fact that I just feel better when I don't eat meat, however, It's not worth hurt feelings. So, if someone is cooking for me, and their food has meat in it, I'll eat it. And that feels good inside. Like what is right and best for me. Vegetarian when I can control it, and not when I can't.) Okay. Moving on. . .
• Girls Nights Out for me, are vital. Time spent with other women is so gratifying and fulfilling.
• It feels really good to have my food storage all taken care of. Go me!
• That I watch way too much tv.
• That hearing aids are super expensive. Especially when your child eats them.
• Remodelling a kitchen is best done while you are away.
• Finally found out what all the buzz was about concerning Harry Potter.
• Was introduced to Flight of the Concords which never fails to make me giggle.
• Found myself a new guru. Gordon B. you will be missed.
• Realized that writing is very therapeutic for me, and something I thoroughly enjoy.
• Was impressed and thrilled with America and it's decision for a new leader.

What I hope for in 2009.

Okay, well, I have to be honest here, and say, that I have been on somewhat of a spiritual journey for that last few months or so. Really pondering, searching and thinking. And I really, really, like what I'm learning about God and myself. Most importantly, this new found knowledge makes me really happy.

I've always been drawn to eastern religions and philosophies. Something about them, just make sense. In fact when people ask me that question that for some reason all people love to ask, "If you weren't LDS, what religion would you be?" I have always answered a mix between Zen Buddhism, Hinduism and Yoga (as a philosophy not necessarily the physical part). Something about these philosophies about life very much make sense and resonate with me. Perhaps there is something within these religions that I need to master. Need to understand. Need to realize.

And what I've found is there are many. But, for the sake of simplicity I decided to take the most important of all these philosophies and make it my theme for 2009. My goal, or resolution, if you will. And that theme?

It's really quite simple. Be Present. In other words. Live in the moment. Be Content. Stop hashing and rehashing and beating myself up about the past. Stop worrying, obsessing and fretting about the future. Stop the when thinking. For example. "When I lose 15 pounds, then I'll be happy." "When it's spring/summer then I'll be happy." "When, when, when. If, if, if." It's all to exhausting. What's wrong with now? What's wrong with me as a I am? What's wrong with what I have? What is wrong with what I already own? You know that whole adage. Wantwhat you have. Yeah. I need to work on that.

And the catalyst that threw me into my zen focus this past few months? Kung Fu Panda. Yes, the animated movie. It was something Master Oogway says mid-movie. He says, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why they call it the present." And it just hit me. I need to start accepting the gift. Living in the moment. Stop mastering the art of distraction. Which really, I am a complete pro at.

Then I read THIS POST by on Aimee's blog where her sister is a guest rambler and shares a talk she gave in church titled The Zen Mormon. And this just was exactly what I needed at the time. Answered alot of questions I was currently meditating on. And I especially loved the verse in Philippians that she shared. {Philippians chapter 4 verse 11 reads: “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” } This is my new favorite scripture. And in turn my new scripture to go with my new theme for 2009.

Then, I was introduced and read the most fabulous children's book ever. Well, maybe not ever, but definitely top 5, and most assuredly best Children's book I'd read in 2008. It is called "The Three Questions" and it's written and illustrated by Jon J Muth. It's based on a story by Leo Tolstoy and a favorite of Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Zen Master. And it's just fabulous. It is about this little boy who wants to know the answer to his 3 questions, which are:

1. When is the best time to do things?
2. Who is the most important one?
3. What is the right thing to do?

I don't want to spoil the book for you, but the answers go right along with my theme for 2009 and the attitude I hope to embody.

So yeah, this should be a most interesting year. I've started back into Yoga. Hatha Yoga, that is. I did Hatha Yoga for about 10 years straight and then for some reason quit. I've always loved yoga, but thought the other stuff, i.e.Yogas (chanting, Sanskrit meanings, etc.) was kinda weird and silly. But now, when I go, I have a new focus. A dedicated place and time for meditating. Which is so imperative for me. It's absolutely vital for me to be quiet. Still. Listening. Focused. I've started studying Yoga as a philosophy more seriously, and trying to practice it's teachings and become more Zen. Or rather, who my creator would like me to be.

I'm in no way saying I'm perfect, nor do I intend to be. But I'm striving to expand, evolve, and enlarge my understanding of what it means to Be Present. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be scared off, if my posts have a tendency this year to be thoughts about life, and a little "zen" in nature. I hate to apologize, but I'm on a quest people. Not for perfection, but for advancement. Betterment. Stillness. Oneness.

Enough rambling. Happy New Year. And in this moment I am completely content.